Parenting advice: take your child out of your arms

I once saw a foreign news. A mother, fearing that her child would leave her when he grew up, made up a fictitious illness and lied that her child could not walk. The doctor couldn't find the cause, so naturally he couldn't treat it. The child also believed it. He had been in a wheelchair since he was three years old, and he had been sitting in a wheelchair for five years until he was eight years old. He still couldn't walk.　　 The feet are on the child, he should know whether he can walk. But when his most trusted person, his mother, kept insinuating him, 'You are sick, you can't walkAlthough many mothers will not use such extreme methods to keep their children around like this mother, but their fear of leaving them when they grow up is the same, so they will use more invisible methods to listen Go up with a more reasonable excuse to weaken the child's independent ability in order to achieve the purpose of staying around.　　 Fortunately, the child was finally rescued and handed over to the welfare agency to raise him. Soon he was able to walk completely normally. His mother was sentenced to 4 years’ imprisonment and will never be allowed to work with children.　　 In an ordinary family, the relationship between family members is actually a triangular relationship, and the competition between parents for their children never stops.　　As parents, they always delight in their children's attachment to themselves, and sometimes even compete with their partners for their children's affection, but in reality, they use love to imprison their children and prevent them from growing fully. Parental love is like a flowerpot. For a seedling, careful care is necessary, but when the seedling has grown up, it is still planted in this pot, it is a kind of imprisonment, even destruction.　　 If a child has been overly attached to his mother, the role of his father will be diminished. When he grows up, other women will also be in the shadow of his mother, and his world will be narrow, mutilated, and deformed. The same is true for overly attached to the father. When the child is older, parents should have such a mind to move the child out of their arms. Single parents can easily devote all their love to their children, and treat their children as multiple roles. They are children, partners, and friends. If they regard him as all their sustenance, the children must bear all of your needs. This kind of emotion will pose a huge pressure to the child.　　 Excessive attention is also a kind of pressure. We adults also have experience. If you feel that someone is watching you all the time, you will be very uncomfortable. If the child has been living in this kind of gaze, his every move will not escape your sight, everything is under your control, even if you don’t say a word, you are also a huge existence, making him unable to neglect. Then, he would live like a small grass under a big tree, shrouded in the shade of a huge tree, inevitably weak.　　 Parents should keep a distance from their children and give him (her) an independent space. Excessive care and intimacy are not conducive to the growth of children. You know, he (she) will grow up eventually. One day, he (she) will be someone else's husband or wife and the parent of his (her) child. Children can't nestle under your feathers forever, let alone belong to you forever. A strong mind first comes from freedom of the mind, and freedom is first of all a concept of space, and the space of the mind is often related to the space of reality. If parents have a broad mind and can accept diverse things, they will provide a broad space for the child's mind to develop, so that he is not confined to narrow ideas. As a parent, no matter how much you love your child, you must have your own life and your own world. You must keep a certain distance from your child and let him have his own space, so that he can self-awaken and grow independently.　　 This point applies not only to children, but also to husband and wife, friends, colleagues, and neighbors. Everyone should have their own independent space and the freedom of their own choice. When the child is older, we are also old. Dante said: 'When one generation flourishes, another generation declines.' It's not practical. Dante said that everyone understands this truth, but it's a bit unacceptable if it's their turn. We must be prepared to withdraw from the center of the stage, and put ourselves lower and lower, leaving more room for the next generation, and letting them have a healthier and more free mentality.